Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
