i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
