Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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