you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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