We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
