i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
