its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
