took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize