He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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