I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
