I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
