I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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