You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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