i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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