i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
