I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Randomize
