Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Randomize