You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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