just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
