We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
