Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
