I wish I could punch you in the face.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
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