Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
