Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
