i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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