dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
