and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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