Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize