oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
