im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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