Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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