i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
