Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
