You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Randomize
