new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Randomize
