literally had 100 drinks last night.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
time to smoke my breakfast
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
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