She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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