we have officially lost it.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
