Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
