I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
That reminds me...we need to get swords
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
She has the best kind of daddy issues
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