By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
