1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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