I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
