cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
