I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
