i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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