I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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