I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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