They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
