I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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