I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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