My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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