I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
