sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
