By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
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