I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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