She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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