i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
