When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
