I like my sex mixed with concussions.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
