Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
