you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
