We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize