i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
