everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
