i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Randomize
