It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
