it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
